WEAKNESS

Photo by Tom Van
"My grace is enough; it’s all you need.
My strength comes into its own in your weakness."
Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ’s strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.
 2 Corinthians 12:9-10  The Message

I am adjusting ...
   To the catch in my heart when I forget for the moment that Tom is no longer with me,
       and I want to call him to say goodnight;
       think, "I should tell Tom about this movie;"
       or go to ask him if he'd rather listen to the jazz station.

I am getting used to ...
     Feeling perpetually sad,
     and always tired and foggy-minded,
     In other words being okay about not being okay.

And I have accepted that I am weak, that I have no control over what has happened to me and what I must do. 

You see, I have always prided myself on being a strong, competent, intelligent woman (and the Holy Spirit whispers, there's that word -- pride), but I'm not at all any of those things right now.  "Widow's brain" or "grief brain" has robbed me of the ability to focus and keep my thoughts organized.  I aimlessly wander from room to room.  I constantly misplace and loose things.  I now check the freezer first thing in case I've put the missing object in the freezer, again.  And it's robbed me of the confidence that I can handle all of this.

But 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 reassures me that I don't have to be strong, that Christ's grace is enough.  It's okay to be weak, because when I surrender my helplessness to him, Christ's strength takes over.  His strength strengthens me. 
    
I am weak but thou art strong;
Jesus keep me from all wrong;
I'll be satisfied as long
as I weak, let me walk close to thee.

 Through this world of toils and snares,
if I falter, Lord, who cares?
Who with me my burden shares?
None but thee, dear Lord, none but thee.

 Just a closer walk with thee,
grant it, Jesus, is my plea,
daily walking close to thee;
Let it be, dear Lord, let it be.

                           "Just a Closer Walk with Thee"

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